is there anyone in here who is happily married? heml: me! ;) how many years have you been married? heml: 6 months... o ya alright :) I am - but I haven't lived with my husband since 1978 hehehe i don't think its possible to be happily married for long anywayz I think it is. i don't My parents have been happily married for 30+ yrs. the concept of growing old together just doesn't happen with contemporary couples My grandparents have been happily married for 60+ yrs natch that is 2 b expected im talking nowadayz i don't see ppl still growing old together in our society I expect to happily grow old with my marriage mate. divorce is inevitable yes of course you do all newlyweds do I think it is a state of mind, and most people have screwed up expectations and ideas about marriage. all marriges end in divorce or death and if its the latter its cuz one partner dies before the divorce happens some marriages are dead even if there isn't a divorce * Hemlock nods but that cannot be helped that 2 is inevitable except in rare cases but they SHOULD stay together anyway for the kids etc cuz they DID TAKE VOWS nope. I know people married today that wouldn't ever split from their mate... I think that most people today just don't make a *real* commitment... they are too wishy-washy... can't keep a promise. (btw- that "nope" was re: latter its cuz one partner...) er well i just don't see it happening in our culture in our times very depressing long term marriges just don't seem likely now thats all i think long-term relationships are possible if both partners work to make it possible Maybe not extremely frequent... but, they are possible... Cyd is right.... people have to *work* at it... if it doesn't work-out then it's because they don't want it enough Well, that's nothing new. People have always had to work at it. Somewhere along the line, John Q. Public forgot that part, I think. :) ugh right.... it isn't anything new... but most people don't want to put forth the effort Over here, divorce is acceptable but still isn't common. Most couples stay together, even if though the love has gone...mainly because society expects them to and they should stay together One reason why teens shouldn't marry is that their personalities are still changing. Not too far down the road, they may realize that they're terrible for each other. but it does seem sad that 2 people have to compromise their happiness just to make sure that other people remain happy they took vows made a promise Studies have shown that a sizable percentage of happy couples who have been married for a -long- time continually change their personalities around each other. Maybe society is teaching people to be more static? Or more independant? my great-grandparents were married over 60 years, but my grandparents had a really bad marriage, they don't live together anymore my grandma was hardly a teen when she married, i guess that's why it failed When both partners don't have any change in personality, the relationship becomes boring. When their personalities evolve, but evolve independantly of their partner, they run the risk of becoming incompatable. she was younger? re Goofy she was younger by at least 4 years i think she was 13 mm was it arranged? nope...my grandma's the rebellious type :) scandalous majikk: right... personalities will evolve with age, but to be successful, in a marriage, they must revolve and evolve around each other. she got married to run away from her step mother Evolution as a couple doesn't happen by accident. People who think it does are the ones who wind up divorced... how to make love stay in a relationship thats the challenge how does a couple make love stay IzoD: -nod- Is there a certain 'cutoff' age for a marriage where the failure rate drops a whole lot? If not, then it's probably about personality. it is a challenge. it's a challenge every day. and you have to meet it every day too. i wonder when the love leaves a relationship and if the love stays how to make the passion that fuels the love stay <_E_> go on many vacations; thus making the heart grow fonder :) thats the thing how to make that happen renewal does it even happen? i don't think it does. don't get caught in a routine that you hate Does too. 15 years in, and I think it does, anyway... 15 years in a marrige for u dc5? <_E_> I've heard that marriage is a constant falling in and out of love.. just don't give up when the love seems to fail Any strong emotion is going to fade. If I point a gun at your face, you'll be a total wreck (maybe) for about 10 minutes, and then you'll calm down because your body doesn't have enough energy to be a wreck 24/7. yep. Second try. The first try, too young, lasted 4 years) <_E_> Majik, yep I don't see why love can't be the same thing on a long term. If you keep changing things and making them interesting, maybe that helps? all i ask is to have someone i can grow old with and to keep the love and the passion there i figure if i can swing that i will be very happy all my life it would seem that if you could have that you would be very happy hemlock: you seem to be looking for a dream lover.. i doubt if there is one it isn''t something you ask for. you have to give, and what goes around comes around. majikk: I dunno... I really don't think so... I think it is somewhat a part of background and how one was raised... I am 19 and I have made a commitment to myself and my wife that this marriage *will* work. period. I personally am a very devoted type of person... if I make a promise, I do my best to keep it. <_E_> maybe the love fading, the challenge of a given situation, loves renewal..etc.. are wonderful aspects of a great concept of love IzoD: -nod- I'll buy that. first-time lovers know the passion that comes from "chemistry" married at 19 eh? what they don't know is that long-term love involves the development of a very different kind of chemistry that can produce the same passion and keep it going indefinitely. heml: yes. I would like to think that maybe I'm a bit more mature than some my age. i guess if you are 19 and have been married for 6 months you WOULD be happily married heml: hopefully :) heml: heheheh how old is your wife? <_E_> dc5.. dunno heml: 19 im 19 2 as u no. I cannot picture myself being a husband at ALL it has not even been thrown about in my mind yet IzoD: high school sweethearts? just the concept of it... but that is great 4 u. definitely unique no... we didn't go to the same school IzoD: wow, how did you 2 meet then? <_E_> it would be nice to have someone to curl up next to at nights.. hmmm yes... I definately wouldn't recommend it for all, or even most, but I think it is something for us Hem: I don't think a woman to grow old with will keep you happy all your life. In the long term, we take everything for granted, no matter how much we love them. cyd: I worked with her father... he gave me several accounts that he used to do... yeah majikk that is what i think and it is ashame that our minds work in that fashion naturally i mean that it is human nature. can't do anything about it got any pix of you and yer wife online izod? I thought I was ready at 19 too, IzoD. Here's hoping you're more ready than I was. I don't know. We've tamed inhuman nature. Why can't we try a personal conquest? You're every move you make, afterall. :) heml: nope... I'll scan some in the next few days. I wouldn't dare think about marriage till I was financially stable dc5: thanks. look foward 2 that izod dc5: all good fortune is readily accepted. :) heml: ok... probably by wed. or fri. I tried again at 28. That's the one that's working. <_E_> the idea of concubines can seem neat.. but society would be very angry with me concubines sounds nice :) gotta get all those concubines tested first tho only rich guys can afford concubines <_E_> cyd450, rich is a relative concept.. depends where you get your concubines E: migrate to a Islamic country..like Malaysia. Convert to Islam. Then you can have up to 4 wives <_E_> not that Ive ever had a concubine Can't you go to utah and do the same thing? <_E_> really ? I didnt know islam would tolerate polygamy Except the islam part, ofcourse... y utah? <_E_> but I was thinking of Malaysia 1 wife, 100 concubines hemlock, I'm beginning to get an idea about why you have such little hope for marriage what gives u that impression coal well many women don't like guys who are into concubines it's a Mormon tradition too, though not so fashionable any more... E: you must get your wife's consent first <_E_> dc5, yeah, its quite illegal now hehe guess you could swing it in nevada if you were rich enuff 2 afford your own personal prostitutes <_E_> cyd450, I wonder how likely I would get ehr cosent is everybody on the channel tonite 19 except me? and prostitutes * Majikk is 19. <_E_> umm Im not.. no, dc5, I am not 19 whoa The only problem with Islam is that polygamy is allowed only if your wives cannot perform their wifely duties i.e. they're barren or too old lots 19 year old in here * Cyd450 is 22 * _E_ is older than that oh ok coal now for the real question - is anyone else here a woman? <_E_> hehe glory is lots women in #mensa usually but is glory here? <_E_> yeah.. cool women too yes there often are - but it seems pretty much a guy thing tonight u r a woman coal? yer nick sounds rather masculine for some reason yep think about that hemlock think about what? think about the advantages of a non-feminine sounding nick and about the disadvantages of a feminine-sounding nick mm a chip on yer sholder have you coal? in fact - I suggest you try the latter sometime